“Identity Ball”

my therapist says i have an “identity ball”

it’s the me i had before and after changes and all

the me before you came along, and ruined my life

the me before i put my skin to that knife

i’m in physical pain, inside and out

trying to ‘unfeel’ the tight grip you had on my mouth

my body aches every time that i hear your name

while i sit here and wonder if these feelings stay the same

those same nights i sat in fear, i’ll never forget

wishing i could go back to the days we hadn’t met

i was so young, innocent, and clueless

i’m sitting here trying so hard to get through this

these pains in my stomach, the pains in my legs,

all remind me of that awful, wretched day

that day you held me down, once and for all

and stole all i had left, of my “identity ball”


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