Heavier

The world seems heavier lately

maybe it’s the darkness that seems to devour all my happy thoughts

or they way i push people out

i just want one person to not give up on me which is a lot to ask considering i have already given up on me

but the world seems heavier lately

like i’m carrying a huge burden

but perhaps i am my own burden.

the impulsive actions of cutting my own wrists just aren’t enough anymore

i long for another type of feeling

a feeling that i haven’t come to terms with

but i do know that the world seems heavier lately

resorting to eating edibles because feeling numb is better than the sinking of my own heart

a reminder that i am not good enough for the treasures around me

that i am not women enough to carry such treasures around with bragging rights

a list of wonderful things waiting at the door and yet i choose to stay in my own bed

in the dark

and the world just seems so heavy lately

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